do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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