why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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