Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
