Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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