He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
