she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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