He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
