Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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