i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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