Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
