Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
