are you still at the devil's house?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
