If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
