if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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