I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
