Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
