Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
