i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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