My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
