eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
