morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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