Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
