Do you still have your period?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
