he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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