My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
