Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
