I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
