Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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