True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
