You can't motorboat a personality
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
