Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
