god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
