Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
