We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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