I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
