yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
