Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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