the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
