Im at strip club and am horny
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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