What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
