I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
