You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
