3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We got so high we made milksteak
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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