Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
