There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
