No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my shit smells like andre
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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