how do flat chested girls get laid?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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