Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
