You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
