Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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