Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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