babies were throwing up all over the place
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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