I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
