i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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