he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
