He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
