i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
